Slow Read Series: Messy Truths
Each week, we share our favourite article picks—reads that feel like deep conversations over tea. Stories that make us pause, reflect, and maybe even see the world a little differently.
This week’s reads explore grief, pain, memory, productivity, and the small rituals that shape us:
1. Grief Makes Us Time Travelers – how loss distorts time and reshapes connection
2. The Kind of Pain I Wanted – the surprising relationship between pain and presence
3. On Keeping a Notebook – why we write, and what memories reveal
4. How to Become an Indistractable Reader – reclaiming focus in a world of distractions
5. A Surefire Way to Be More Productive – the power of streaks and structured habits
Grief Makes Us Time Travelers by Ida Momennejad
1️⃣ Grief Warps Time—It Is Not Linear, but a Tangle of Past, Present, and Future
Before experiencing profound loss, the author believed time was an arrow moving in one direction. But grief splinters that perception—suddenly, moments collapse into one another. Memories surface unbidden, futures never lived feel just as real as the past, and the present is blurred by the weight of what was and what could have been. Grief does not follow a clock; it is a time machine that we are involuntarily thrown into.
2️⃣ Science and Faith Clash in the Face of Loss—But Neither Offers a Perfect Answer
As a neuroscientist, the author approached her mother’s stroke with clinical detachment, studying brain scans like any other research subject. But in the chaos of grief, her scientific logic felt powerless. Meanwhile, her father and aunt clung to faith—singing, praying, and believing in miracles. She envied their hope but struggled to share it, realizing that sometimes, even the most rational mind cannot provide comfort in the face of inevitable loss.
3️⃣ The Search for Control Is a Hallmark of Grief—But Ultimately, It Slips Away
In the days following the stroke, the author sought ways to exert control—giving medical instructions from afar, directing family members on how to stimulate brain activity. But soon, she realized the futility of trying to command something as vast and unpredictable as death. Like Orpheus traveling to the underworld, her father tried to bring her mother back with love and memory. In the end, all of them were left powerless, clinging to rituals that could not undo fate.
4️⃣ Grief Does Not Just Take—It Transforms
The author’s mourning did not just leave her hollow; it reshaped her. Unable to return to her old routines, she drifted through Tehran, immersing herself in art, music, and new relationships. Grief cracked open a door to reinvention—forcing her to rebuild herself in a world where her mother no longer existed. She did not return to Princeton the same person who left.
5️⃣ Death Is Not the End of Connection—Love Endures in New Forms
After her mother’s passing, the relationship between them did not vanish—it changed. She found her mother in the wilderness, in dreams, in the ritual of playing Philip Glass on the piano. Over time, grief became something else: a tether to the past that stretched into the present, keeping the bond alive. The pain never ended, but neither did the love.
The Kind of Pain I Wanted by Grace Hussar
1️⃣ Pain as a Pathway to Presence
For some, physical pain becomes a gateway to being fully in the moment. In a world that constantly pulls us into overthinking—where we mentally document our lives instead of living them—pain can provide a rare escape from self-awareness. Whether through endurance sports, childbirth, or BDSM, the body’s response to intense sensation can override the mind’s endless narration, allowing for true presence.
2️⃣ Control and the Paradox of Letting Go
We often think of control as a way to feel safe, yet sometimes surrendering control—within safe, structured boundaries—creates a deeper sense of security. The author meticulously planned every aspect of her experience, from safe words to physical limits, yet the true power of the moment came from the ability to relinquish control and trust the process. This paradox extends beyond BDSM—sometimes we only find peace when we stop grasping for it.
3️⃣ The Duality of Fear and Freedom
The author’s experience highlights the strange intimacy between fear and liberation. In situations that flirt with danger—whether extreme sports, taboo encounters, or moments of emotional vulnerability—fear intensifies awareness. Instead of numbing experience, it sharpens it, distilling life into a series of vivid, unforgettable snapshots. In embracing what scares us (within safe and consensual boundaries), we may find a kind of freedom that controlled environments cannot offer.
4️⃣ The Role of Ritual in Transforming Experience
Pain, like pleasure, can be shaped by intention. Just as a marathon runner reframes pain as progress, the structure of BDSM allows participants to transform discomfort into something meaningful. The presence of ritual—carefully tied knots, matched breathing, a shared understanding of limits—turns what might otherwise be chaos into a controlled and cathartic experience. This speaks to a larger truth: Rituals give meaning to our experiences, whether in intimacy, grief, or endurance.
5️⃣ The Aftermath: Relief vs. Release
Not all endings are the same. The distinction between relief (the cessation of discomfort) and release (a deeper emotional or psychological exhale) suggests that some experiences don’t just conclude but transform us. The author leaves her experience feeling bound but not confined—suggesting that true freedom isn’t always about escape but about finding the right kind of containment, the kind that lets us exhale without losing ourselves.
On Keeping a Notebook by Joan Didion
1️⃣ A Notebook Is a Portal to the Past—But Not Always to Reality
Keeping a notebook isn’t about recording exact events—it’s about capturing how things felt. Memories are fluid, often shaped by emotion rather than fact. The details we write down may not be objectively true (did it really snow that August?), but they represent our personal truth at that moment. The notebook, then, is less a factual archive and more a collection of emotional timestamps.
2️⃣ Writing Is an Exercise in Remembering Ourselves
The impulse to keep a notebook is ultimately self-referential. We may think we’re writing about strangers in a bar or bits of dialogue overheard in passing, but in reality, we’re documenting who we were in those moments. A notebook is a way of keeping in touch with past versions of ourselves—ones we might otherwise forget or abandon.
3️⃣ We Need to Stay on ‘Nodding Terms’ with Our Former Selves
Didion warns against losing connection with who we once were. The people we used to be—the dreamy teenager, the self-doubting young adult—don’t disappear; they linger, waiting to remind us of forgotten fears, desires, and mistakes. A notebook allows us to maintain a quiet dialogue with those past selves before they return unannounced, demanding attention at 4 a.m. on a bad night.
4️⃣ Notebooks Are Personal, Private, and Often Unintelligible to Others
Unlike a diary meant for public consumption, a notebook is a fragmented, chaotic collection of thoughts, details, and scraps of dialogue. It is full of meaning for its keeper but often incomprehensible to others. That’s the beauty of it—every notebook is a unique, erratic constellation of personal significance, a language only the writer can fully decode.
5️⃣ The Past Never Fully Leaves Us—It Just Finds New Ways to Resurface
A line about whiskey, a Pucci bathing suit, a mink coat—these small, seemingly trivial details carry an emotional weight that time cannot erase. Didion reminds us that memory doesn’t always arrive as a coherent narrative; sometimes, it sneaks in through the scent of sauerkraut or the sound of a checkout clerk’s voice. The past is always there, waiting to be triggered, waiting to be written down.
How to Become An Indistractable Reader
1️⃣ Treat Reading Like an Adventure, Not a Chore
We often assume nonfiction books aren’t as engaging as fiction, but that’s a mindset problem. By reimagining reading as an exciting journey—where each page could hold the insight that changes everything—we make it more immersive. Just like social media hooks us with novelty, every book presents a fresh idea, a new perspective, or a hidden gem. The key is to lean into curiosity and playfulness, rather than seeing reading as a task to check off.
2️⃣ Protect Your Reading Time Like a Sacred Appointment
If reading aligns with your goals, it deserves space on your calendar just like work meetings or workouts. Small, consistent sessions—just 15 minutes in the morning and evening—can add up to finishing 20+ books a year. But consistency is key. The more we treat reading as an essential ritual, rather than an occasional indulgence, the more it becomes a lifelong habit.
3️⃣ Fight Distraction with Precommitments
Notifications, social media, and daily chaos are the biggest enemies of deep reading. The best way to focus? Hack back distractions. Put your phone in a timed lockbox, set a visible “Do Not Disturb” sign, or make an effort pact—such as reading a chapter before checking your phone. Better yet, join a reading group or a silent book club for built-in accountability. The more we structure our environment for distraction-free reading, the easier it is to turn insights into action.
A Surefire Way To Be More Productive
1️⃣ Streaks Turn Motivation into Momentum
Starting a new habit is hard, but streaks make it easier by transforming effort into routine. The power of loss aversion—not wanting to break the streak—keeps us going, even when motivation fades. Whether it’s writing every day like Seinfeld or running daily despite hating it, consistency breeds discipline.
2️⃣ Habit Formation Thrives on Structure and Play
Gamification, like Duolingo leaderboards or step counters, taps into our brain’s reward system, making habits feel more like a game than a chore. Pairing streaks with technology and clear structures makes them easier to sustain, turning small daily actions into long-term achievements.
3️⃣ The Real Benefits of Streaks Go Beyond the Goal
A streak isn’t just about the task itself—it shapes character. Running daily might not make you love running, but it can build resilience, discipline, and focus that spill over into other areas of life. The beauty of repetition is often overlooked, but sticking with something—even something small—can lead to unexpected personal growth.
And because good reads should spark reflection, here are a few gentle journal prompts:
💭 Memory and Grief – How has your memory of a loss or big change shifted over time? Does it still shape how you see the present?
💭 Pain and Growth – Think of a time when discomfort (physical or emotional) helped you grow. What did you learn?
💭 Habits and Reflection – What small daily rituals bring you clarity or peace? How have they shaped your sense of self?
How to access articles with paywalls?
We understand that a few of these articles are paywall-ed. Here are 2 options to bypass them:
1. 12ft.io
Disclaimer: We do not support using 12ft to violate the terms of service or copyright of other websites. This is merely a service to view webpages without javascript enabled.
Use 12ft.io. to clean any webpage by inserting this behind the URL: https://12ft.io/
<URL> make sure the url starts with https://.
For example:
Original URL: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2025/03/e-bike-family-parenthood/682052/
Using 12ft.io: https://12ft.io/https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2025/03/e-bike-family-parenthood/682052/
2. Use Telegram Quickview
Key the article link into the Telegram App. The app has an Instant View feature. Works mostly for The New York Times article.
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